Today marks my 300th consecutive day of meditation. I have long been an avid believer of taking time first thing in the morning to pray but I never considered meditation to be a part of that spiritual journey. After losing my parents to cancer, I was in a very dark place. I reverted inward and stayed there in an abyss of depression for many years. From the outside, everyone thought I was doing pretty well given the circumstances but on the inside, there was nothing but grief, turmoil, self doubt and anger. Anger being the main emotion. I was angry at everyone and God. Somewhere in the midst of all that grief I started to read the Bible and I began to grow spiritually. This manifested itself in a myriad of positive ways in my life. First I accepted the fact that while my parents were no longer with me, I was still alive. I also realized that I could achieve happiness and joy in my life despite my losses. I know sounds pretty simple, but take it from me, in grief there is not even a modicum of logical thinking so this was a significant revelation.
As I began to get spiritually stronger, my curiosity about experiencing true peace began to grow. I’d considered the fact that I had not known true peace for most of my life and came to terms with the fact that I had no earthly idea how to achieve it. We all say we want to be at peace, but if you are like me, you have a very superficial idea of what that truly is. When you look up the word peace, it has many meanings but the one that stood out in my mind was this – silence, stillness.
Right off the bat I had a problem. One – I had no idea what being in silence really meant and Two – who had the time to be still??!! I was always on the go and especially more so because I was trying to avoid thinking about the devastating events of my life. I’d keep myself so busy, I didn’t even have time to think straight most days. We won’t even talk about silence because if it was silent, I was thinking all sad thoughts, so oh no, no silence for me.
All that being said, I finally got to the point where I knew I had to make a change. Life could not just be a series of miserable days lumped together for the rest of my life. I had to change. I started with structuring my day to pray as soon as I arose. I then found an app that could provide guided mediation sessions to assist me with attaining silence and stillness. 300 days later, I can say that this combination has changed my life. Anxiety, panic attacks and hypertension (all developed during my parent’s illnesses) are now a thing of the past. I’m so grateful that somewhere deep inside all of the pain I was able to tap into the spiritual strength to seek help. There is no shame in seeking to learn the things that will make us better. This is what life is all about. It’s the opportunity to grow and expand past our adversities. More importantly, its the willingness to be able to genuinely and truthfully share these experiences with others so that they know they are not alone. We are one tribe, experiencing life through joyful and painful lenses every day. Supporting and encouraging each other is not an option, it is a duty. My hope is that those of you reading this will be inspired to know that you are strong enough to make it through any adversity, loss or pain. It may not seem that way while you are going through it but you have to fight. Life is so precious and when you get to the point of knowing silence and peace, there are no words that can capture life’s essence. Be still and know that your life is so much greater than even you can conceive.
Have an incredible week!